Protocol 36

As part of our ongoing Web Based Continuing Education series, we here at Drug-Induced Hallucinations hereby present, for the discerning medic or EMT, a list of "street" synonyms for pandemic H1N1 flu that we may encounter in the course of our duties. Collected from various¹ sources².


Hamthrax

Tuporkulosis

Porklio

The Other Yellow Fever

Sowmonella

Whooping Oink

Porktussis


1. H. Tayler.
2. My "lady friend."

Freezeframe

03:30:00 - I'm fast asleep, curled up sideways in a recliner, jacket zipped all the way up. Out hard, REM-land, dreaming.

03:30:05 - Fire dispatch drops tones for a breathing problem in our district.

03:30:12 - EMS dispatch taps us out.

03:30:15 - My partner slaps my boot. I barely heard the EMS alert.

03:30:26 - I pop the tab of a Red Bull on the way to the bay. The motor on the garage door whines softly as it opens, letting the night in.

03:30:42 - My gut reels at a depth charge of caffiene, carbonation, and chemicals. My partner is talking to fire ops, pulling up the map on the laptop, and trying to find his seatbelt, all at the same time. I put the car in gear, slap the big red button, and away we go.