Rules

I recently got my yearly performance review. While it was generally positive, there was a small attached list of behaviors which are now forbidden to your truly. I thought I would share a few.

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Per dispatch center request, please do not respond to dispatch directions with "delightful," "by your command," or "pip, pip, righto, guv!" Additionally, please refrain from speaking on the radio in any foreign language.

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Per fire agency request, please do not provide an exterior building size-up on medical calls, request "the first-in engine company bring up my gurney on arrival," add your ambulance to box alarms, or assume Command on a chest pain.

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Per chart review committee request, please do not use the phrases "poor life choices," "pharmacologically assisted gravity attack," or "terminal deceleration syndrome" in your documentation. Additionally, we wish to remind you that "Funny Lookin' Beats" is not an acceptable description of ECG ectopy.

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Per fleet maintenance request, please refrain from turning in a vehicle failure report with reason listed as "PONTOONS DO NOT INFLATE FULLY WHEN ENTERING WATER." Additionally, please refrain from submitting requests for nitrous systems, afterburners, in-seat DVD players, or "bitchen' rims."

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Finally, per management request, please refrain from operating a lemonade stand, massage parlour, off-track betting establishment, or payday check loan business out of your station.